Sunday message · Love is for Losers series
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Message Summary
In the second message of Love is for Losers, Pastor Phillip Santillan moves from what love is to what marriage is, returning to the beginning of Scripture in Genesis 1:26–28 and 2:18–25. Singles and students should listen closely, he says, since the best time to improve a marriage is before it starts. His premise is that only when we understand who God is and what he has done can we understand who we are and what God wants to accomplish through us.
No one stops mid-argument to ask who God is and what he has done, Phil admits, but what if we did? In Genesis, God is the Creator who made human beings in his image, and in Ephesians 2 Paul calls us God’s masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus. Made to reflect God’s glory, we exist for something greater than ourselves, and so does marriage, a partnership between a husband and wife in covenant with each other and with God. Love is always other-centered.
Culture often treats marriage as the pinnacle of human relationships, there to meet our needs and make us happy. Phil insists the pinnacle is our relationship with God. Quoting a fellow pastor who helped plan the series, he warns that putting marriage in that place makes it an idol carrying expectations it cannot bear, while a single person can be whole and fulfill all of God’s purposes.
From Genesis 2, Phil draws four marks of relationships that reflect God’s character. First, we see a spouse as a partner, not a subordinate. The Hebrew word for helper in verse 18 is often used of God himself, so it has nothing to do with pecking order. A counselor once told Phil and his wife that they could hardly be more different, and happy couples learn that differences make no one less valuable. If they had the same strengths and passions, he says, “one of us is unnecessary.” Second, we measure love by the value we create in the one we love. Adam’s delight at meeting Eve in verse 23 challenges spouses to look for ways to value each other.
Third, we champion unity rather than compromise. The two becoming one in verse 24 means more than physical intimacy; its first readers would have heard a shared pursuit of God’s glory and his mission of reconciliation. Compromise is a commitment to the relationship, but unity is a commitment to the person. Statements like “I just want my marriage to work” reveal compromise, because the common denominator is the word my. Fourth, we pursue honest intimacy: the man and his wife were naked and felt no shame (verse 25), a picture of relationships that feel safe emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Phil closes by asking which of these principles is a strength or a growth area in our relationships. He hopes the series will help everyone learn to love like Jesus, who gave his life so we could experience God’s love and, in return, love like he did, like a loser. He then leads in prayer.