Sunday message · I Dare You To Move series
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Message Summary
In the third message of the I Dare You To Move series, Pastor Phillip Santillan names a circle that can rob us of the joy God wants for us: trying to change the people we love. A circle, he reminds listeners, is any pattern that doesn’t move us forward, like having the same argument for years. His bottom line: “We cannot change in others what only God can change.”
We all try anyway, with spouses, children, friends, employees and even other drivers. We want a spouse to rebalance work and family, a friend to get sober, an adult child to make better choices, a parent to show respect. So we nag, remind people what they are missing, or threaten, withholding engagement and love until they change. We do it not because we are bad but because we care, yet in the process we try to be God in their lives.
Phil turns to Joshua 24. Joshua had led Israel for about twenty-eight years, fighting beside the people and suffering with them. In his final words as an old man, he urges them to fear the Lord and serve him wholeheartedly and faithfully, and to choose that day whom they will serve, adding, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (verses 14–15). Joshua states his desires plainly, and Phil says desires are good. The problem comes when our desires become demands, which tell someone that until they change, they will not see the fullness of our love. Demands are often disguised as passive aggressiveness: withdrawing, avoiding or giving the silent treatment.
Phil admits he needs this message himself, confessing a recent moment at home when his frustration over the family dog’s messes boiled over into an ultimatum. Joshua, by contrast, hands the choice back to the people, offering options rather than ultimatums. Phil and his wife once did the same with one of their kids and a messy room, offering ice cream instead of a threat, and the room got cleaned. Letting people choose stirs up the fear that they won’t change, so we try to fix them to feel in control. But people treated as projects to be managed rather than people to be loved tend to fake it or rebel.
Joshua knew the only person he could control was himself. The way out of this circle is repentance, a change of mind and a change of direction, because only God can change a life; in Romans, Paul asks who will free him from a life dominated by sin and death, and the answer is Jesus Christ. Phil offers three steps: state your desires honestly, make the options and consequences clear, and entrust people to God, letting them choose freely even when it is not the choice you want. For some that means an honest, loving conversation; for others it means praying, “God, I trust you with,” and naming the person. Those who change their mind and direction will find the peace God gives, Phil promises, and he dares anyone drifting toward this circle to move.
