Sunday message · Parenting Fail series
Listen to the message
Message Summary
Pastor Phillip Santillan opens Parenting Fail, a new topical series, with a simple question: what is a parent? In Clarity Church’s ten years, he admits, he has never preached on parenting. There are countless philosophies, from attachment and gentle parenting to helicopter and lawnmower parents, and he has seen loving homes raise struggling adults, difficult homes raise mature ones, and siblings from the same home turn out very differently. He did not want to divide people over styles no one can prove superior, he felt unsure of his own competency, since every parent is learning on the job, and he did not want to leave out those who are not parents.
Why now? Not everyone is a parent, but that is no reason to avoid the subject; Scripture speaks to it, even in the Ten Commandments; and after years as a parent and a pastor, Phil feels it is time. The series is not a workshop of strategies but is for parents facing what to do when, not if, they let themselves, their children or God down. Because the gospel is good news for all of life, it speaks to anyone who has failed the people they love.
Phil answers the question from Scripture. A parent is someone created by God, knit together in the womb (Psalm 139:13), and he invites those unsure about the Bible to consider how life would look if that were true. A parent is created to reflect God’s image to their children (Genesis 1:27), an honor and a high calling, but also bad news, since only God is perfectly good and every parent will misrepresent him. A parent belongs to God (Psalm 24:1), and those who follow Christ are made new and renewed into a right relationship with God as the owner of their lives, because they were bought at a price (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).
The good news is that what we do does not define us, and neither do our parenting fails. Phil admits he has sinned against his own kids and still wrestles with guilt over moments he cannot get back. His hope is that God, not his failures, defines him. Paul wrote that we are saved by grace, not works, and are God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:8–10); the Greek word, source of our word poem, is sometimes translated masterpiece. A masterpiece is defined by the master’s vision, not the raw material, as Michelangelo saw David in a block of marble.
This is the foundation of the series: God’s grace is bigger than the worst moments, days and seasons of our lives, and he can make something beautiful of what we call failure. Even Paul, after describing his struggle with sin in Romans 7, thanked God through Jesus Christ and declared that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Phil closes with a question he often asks: who wins when we live in constant guilt and shame over what God has already declared clean? Whatever we have done, he says, “God is not done with you yet.”
Questions about parenting and God’s grace
Ephesians 2:10 says “we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance.” Coming right after Paul says we are saved by grace, not works (Ephesians 2:8–9), it means our lives are God’s project. Pastor Phil notes that the Greek word behind workmanship gives us our word poem and is sometimes translated masterpiece.
It means our worth is defined by the Master’s vision, not by the raw material. Pastor Phil compares it to Michelangelo seeing David in a block of marble: God sees the finished work. So what we do does not define us, and neither do our failures, including parenting failures. God’s grace is bigger than our worst moments, and He can make something beautiful of what we call failure.
Pastor Phil answers from Scripture: a parent is someone created by God, knit together in the womb (Psalm 139:13); created to reflect God’s image to their children (Genesis 1:27), a high calling no parent fulfills perfectly; and someone who belongs to God, bought at a price (Psalm 24:1; 1 Corinthians 6:19–20). The gospel speaks to every parent who has failed the people they love.
By letting God, not their failures, define them. Pastor Phil admits he has sinned against his own kids and still wrestles with guilt, but points to Romans 8:1: there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. He asks who wins when we live in constant guilt and shame over what God has already declared clean, and reminds parents, “God is not done with you yet.”
